Anything Goes.

This is pleasant. 

I am legitimately pleased with the way things stand right now. I feel so comfortable. I can be in this show. I can meet these new people (prettygirls!) without needing to be someone. Within the group... I dunno. Answering that question with an honest to god YES makes everything easier. I feel optimistic.

TAP!

Eleven

You have to understand that years twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, and sixteen are all welling up inside of this seventeen--year-old, and they're all conflicting with each other. Twelve is totally overwhelmed and therefore scared shitless. Thirteen is moody, thinking this shouldn't have happened because obviously I'm the center of the universe and you all should know better. Fourteen is saying fuck. Over and over. Fifteen is the crying. Fifteen is always the crying. Sixteen is thinking of all the whatifs. Seventeen is done. Seventeen is exhausted and weary. Seventeen thinks all the other ages have their own benefits, but would really appreciate it if they would shut the fuck up for one goddamn second. Seventeen wants to be eighteen and away from all this. More than that, Seventeen really wishes she could just throw a tantrum like Ten and people would just be okay with that. 

"You do an actual polite-smile, but you’re fairly certain it’s drenched in a noticeable anxiety, because everything running through your veins right now is having a nerve-wracking effect on your internal world—it feels like when grade-school kids dump a bunch of paint together to make the color brown—your body’s just dumping any emotion it has until it finds the way you’re supposed to feel right now."

As collected as I seemed all day, I felt like the twelve-year-old. I wouldn't put a twelve-year-old in any situation without some sort of briefing.
Sometimes, I need to be treated with all the sensitivity with which one would handle a little girl. Why do I sound so fucking vulnerable?
I just... goddamn it. I'm going to sleep and I'm not waking up until noon tomorrow, and if I wake up in the dead of night again, I will break down and cry like a baby.

To have and to hold.

That's the one that gets me. I feel like a child when I say  
It's not fair.

But for now, all I need to think about is getting through the next semester. I want Thin Mints and an A in English. Simplicity. 


On that note, those four syllables are incredibly simple. [hello...] 
I don't know why I still can't say them. It's all me, my awkwardness and my not knowing how to act. So I'll just do my best and hope for patience on the receiving end. 


Feather River College?
 

Stream of Consciousness

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Well. At least I can spell. 

This is interesting. It's never happened before. So. 

But it's not particularly uncomfortable. Which you might think it would be, but it's not.

Journals are now very dangerous, is all.
As much as I like to pretend otherwise, I am a green and incredibly impressionable seventeen-year-old girl.

story!!!

I need to work on finishing sentences.

It's a complicated fear;

As long as I don't get stupid.
I'll just pay attention to my English grade and keep writing in second person. And everything will be fine. Idk [...]

I keep thinking about what happens when we leave. Because everything is being held together with glitter glue. (We all know just how long that lasts.)

New phone!!!

What the hell am I doing here

I should have known, that very first day when I saw your name scribbled on my stand, that I should have sought closure. This open wound is bleeding again and I don't have the energy anymore to go find something to stop it. Sometimes, a plague is something that makes you bow your head and say nothing. 

M. and K.

[mel and kali]

Melancholy.

Why am I letting this happen. I said it would happen. I said I would let it too, but the me who said it wasn't so bleeding vulnerable.

Is it really coincidence that song came on Pandora right after you mentioned it?
Prompt 27: Write about an empty glass.

I'm sick of being Keira. Can I be KeiraandSomeone, for once. One fucking day. 

college.college.college.college.college.college.college.

Just get me out of here. I've had second semester senior syndrome since I was fourteen. Get me the fuck out.

She's running out again

She running out

She's run

run

run

run

run