Worried

So I almost decided to write a whole post about you, specifically. Each time I see you my mind kind of get fuzzy and my priorities get out of line. So I am typing this to reiterate to myself that I need to not feel this way. You aren't worth it, no matter how much I want you to be. So instead I will write about my worries. I have to finalize next year's schedule tomorrow morning. I am really worried that I'm making the wrong choice by quitting orchestra. Of course, I'll be continuing to practice at home and hopefully be in a local orchestra, but the school system has been radically changed since last year and I can no longer deal with how stressed I feel over it. I'll be taking choir instead. This way, I can continue in music and become more well-rounded at the same time. I worry that I won't make it past concert choir, I'm worried that I'll do badly in my audition, I'm worried that I won't have friends in my class. Materialistic, shallow maybe, but I do worry about it. My greatest worry at the moment is about one of my mother's friends. We email back and forth sometimes, and though she's going through a ton of stuff right now, she's been helping me with some of my issues. I emailed her about three weeks ago because my gut was telling me that not everything was exactly fine and dandy, and hadn't heard back. When Darius died on Wednesday, I honestly freaked out. She sent me an email on Friday saying she would email me this past weekend but has not. She's a sensible person and I really don't think she'd do anything rash, but I'm worrying anyway. I do that a lot. Too much. I think I'll take a nap now.